purifications/anger

[ST1000Member]

hello all,

I am in stage 4/5. A few months ago on retreat I had a fair amount of emotional purifications (sadness, fear). After the retreat I enjoyed a time where I felt better than I can remember ever feeling. I was relaxed, the mind was spacious, and mood was excellent.

Over the last 3 weeks I started having more physical based purifications. I started having energy movement in the spine and significant tension/contraction in throat, chest, lower back. Now my face and neck tense up significantly and I involuntarily make intense faces and sometimes growl – these episodes last less than a minute. There have been some times when after these episodes there has been feelings of peace/pleasure, but these positive feelings are infrequent and not very intense. For the last 3 weeks as this has been happening I definitely don’t feel very well – a bit on edge, not sleeping well, and people have noticed that I am a bit irritable and short tempered.

So today I was driving and got more angry than I have in many years – it was surprising. When I got home and started watching football I was having these episodes of significant tension in face and neck and intense faces spontaneously while not even meditating. It seems like the daily life anger “triggered” these purifications to happen.

Do you think during a time of purification, the emotion that is being purified is closer to the surface than it would be otherwise? For example, could it be that I am purifying anger and that could help explain my irritableness and anger over the last few weeks? This could perhaps explain why the daily life anger then triggered several spontaneous episodes while watching tv? Or is it possible that this is just an unsettling time because of the purifications and negative emotions are therefore more prominent?

Thank you so very much.

[ST1000Member]

I am not sure it makes a difference but wanted to make sure it is clear that the anger during driving was in response to a situation that arose with another driver during driving – it was not spontaneous anger without an obvious cause.

[Doug TatarynMember]

Hi St100

Its good that your apparently repressed anger is starting to make its way out of your shadow and into the light of awareness and you seem to be handling the arisings quite well. One technique I have found very useful in helping to resolve anger is to ask your self “How is this person/ situation HURTING me?” If you can shift from attacking the attacker to processing how you feel attacked and potentially hurt by the interaction you will likely move towards acknowledging you are sad and perhaps even cry about it and this tends to be much more healing then constantly having to discharge the activated anger.

Best of luck.

Douglas J Tataryn, Ph.D.
Dharma Teaching in Training

[ST1000Member]

Thank you Douglas much appreciated.

Steve

[Malte MalmMember]

“Do you think during a time of purification, the emotion that is being purified is closer to the surface than it would be otherwise?”

I for sure totally agree with this view. Both from experience and from what I’ve learned.

One thing also that you may try is, when the anger arises outside of meditation, to focus on the physical/bodily sensations of the anger, and to do so with total equanimity.

[ST1000Member]

hi all – just to follow up just got back from a few days of solo retreat and had a lot of sadness and self loathing came up as purifications. I think that they were underlying the unsettled feeling and extra aversion and anger in daily life in the time prior to the retreat. The physical manifestations (movement, tension, vocalizations) have basically gone once I saw the unconscious material. Thank you all for your help and advice. I will be on the look out for aversion and anger in daily life now and work with what arises. Thank you very much.

Steve

[JavaJeffMember]

Hi Steve, glad you have found a solution to your issue.

One thing that I always found helpful when dealing with desire & ill-will (craving & aversion) is to do just as you said, look into the direct experience of the body, and see what is happening there. Typically for me there will be tightness in the chest, stomach in knots, tense jaw, restriction of throat, and just a general overall ‘yuck’ feeling. And then I ask myself: is there anything at all in these actual physical feelings that compel me to act on them? Is Desire or Ill will an actual thing or is it just a label that mind is applying to the combination of feelings? When I believe the labels, I tend to react. When I just look at, and recognize, the feelings in the body, there does not seem to be a requirement for me to act on them. I can sit with the feelings instead of reacting. Eventually they go away. And then if the situation calls for it, I can craft a response that is appropriate to the situation and in line with the desired outcome.

Best, Jeff

[ST1000Member]

Thank you for very much for the input Jeff – I will try that out.

Steve

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