[Joseph GalbraithMember]

John Anders:
I’m by no means an “advanced” meditator although I have practiced (different forms) for years. I CAN though speak about “letting go of thoughts.” As an autistic, I have *particular difficulty* letting go of strong thoughts. One method that HAS worked for me is to continue to be aware of the breath, while simultaneously “stepping back” and viewing not JUST those thoughts, but examining my attachment to them…particularly (not in a dialectic or analytic way) just trying to observe my clinging to the strong thoughts…I lable it “clinging” paying attention to not (just) the thought but the feeling/sensation of clinging to the thought.

When I do this (often but not always) the the “clinging” dissolves (first) then I am left with the thought, which will (then) eventually pass.

Again, I’m no adept meditator, but this has worked for me.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by  Joseph Galbraith.

[Joseph GalbraithMember]

I have another weird thing, about every seven days I have a terrible time meditating and give up early in the sit, but the following days are normal, but it’s EVERY 7 or 8 days, I can only get through half the sit before my mind literally starts shouting at me. Since it doesn’t carry on to other days, I just sort of note it as something “amusing” and go on to my day.

I”m arranging things so I can add a sit later in the day and see how that changes things.

[Joseph GalbraithMember]

I have never done a Buddhist retreat (I’ve done other meditation retreats over the years) and would absolutely love to, my means and finances are probably not such that I can, I have my two service dogs and boarding them alone would cost more than I could afford (I live on SSDI), but I really think a retreat would be fantastic!

[Joseph GalbraithMember]

Hi René,

No, I don’t think you are misunderstanding me, I think I’m not best at describing my inner experiences…so I’ll reframe what I said:

What I “think” is going on, is that I’m used-to, or expecting maybe, a “different experience” of meditation. (Thinking about this as I am writing it), the type and shape of things I am used to paying attention to, and “how they happened” I’m learning now, is SO different in dynamics than was those experienced in concentrative meditations…so I guess I’ve just been second guessing myself and there is nothing “wrong” LOL

Coming from the experience of an autistic (me) I’m used to, and attached to *stark*, *black & white* *jolting* experiences in meditation. I think I’m just now beginning to recognize and experience the more subtle, colourful and rich, and wholistic kind of experience that exemplifies awareness and more intuitive faculties of the mind…and trying to language them for the first time. Awareness (capital A Awareness)seems far more subtle than the “jolt” kind of experiences I’m used to paying attention to, while at the same time this Awareness “reaches down deeper” (if that makes any sense) and is much richer than the experience of what I place my attention on in any given moment. (I hope that doesn’t even sound MORE confusing LOL)

I have been experimenting quite a bit with following and connecting with the breath, and I find there are periods of time that I can do so without any kind of “verbalization” or words, just sort of a recognition. It is a really *very pleasant* experience when I am able to do so. I am not able to do this with labeling, that does occur as a sort of inner talk.

I must say, this practice is gently awakening within me a different “sort of awareness”, it’s all *so* very subtle, yet at the same time precious, and I feel almost like there is a tiny shoot of a plant that has sprouted on the soil and that I need be all so careful to tend to and protect it. My previous practice(s) was one of extremes in attention, etc…this is so very different which (in me) is evidenced by an overall stability I have lacked, both in terms of daily practice and life and my newfound ability to maintain it (Level One)

I’m learning to trust my (awareness of) experiences, and what they have to teach me, seeing this evidenced *off* the meditation pillow more than I ever have before.

Thanks again for responding to my post,

Joseph

[Joseph GalbraithMember]

Thank you for responding René

I’m finding it odd (having come from a “concentrative” practice) that I am almost never seeming to get lost in thoughts. When this would occur (and it DID) in a concentrative practice it was “stark” “obvious” “abrupt” the “ahaa” moment Culadasa talks about where you realize you are lost in thoughts.

My experience now (and since my last email I’ve just added 5 minutes to my morning sit, trying to move slowly and conservatively) is that I am *strongly* aware that there is almost always a dialog going on “in the background” and that while I never seem to loose my awareness of the breath, I *am* aware that my focus move extremely rapidly between this background stuff and the breath.

I imagine, having spend years in a concentrative practice, that I am carrying “baggage” from that, but I can’t help imagining that I”m “missing something” or doing something wrong, not having these sharp, and stark moments where “I was thinking, now I’m aware of the breath again.” Am I missing something?

In the past few days, I’ve noticed that my ability to stay with the breath *only* has increased (especially with the few minutes added time), yet when I am caught by distractions I don’t seem to get completely carried away by them, they just seem to be part of the “stream” or flow of attention moving about quickly.

Thoughts?

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