Struggling with getting past the Six Point Preparation

[John AndersMember]

Hello,

I have been struggling with getting my mind on the meditation object, out of the 45 minutes I spend meditating I only spend about 5-10 seconds on the meditation object. Maybe 30 seconds at most, though I doubt it. In addition, I have cut down my meditation time from a one hour session in the morning and a 45 minute session in the late afternoon to just a 45 minute session.

I am going to repost something I posted on reddit because while I got a few responses I would like to hear what a teacher or teacher in training has to say and also some of my questions went unanswered.

In addition to the questions I am reposting I have two additional questions:

– How do I get rid of the habit of forcing my mind to go back on the meditation object and blaming myself when it doesn’t happen? I am already trying to remind myself that there is no self and that I am not in control but have a hard time believing it.
– While I understand there is a difference between forming an intention to bring the mind to the meditation object I do not really understand what that difference is. This might seem like a dumb question but how exactly does one form an intention, is it just willing or desiring for the mind to be on the meditation object? Is it done through becoming curious about the meditation object?

—–

Struggling with my meditation practice: questions about how to deal with expectations, frustrations and the “aha” moment.

I have started struggling again recently, though most of the 109 days that I have practiced so far have been far from what I would have hoped being unable to move past step 2 of the Four Step Transition, for the most part. I am also still at stage 2.

My problem now is an inability to focus at all due to being distracted and unable to get my mind to go on the meditation object.

For the whole one hour session I am unable to get past or focus on the first point of the Six Step Preparation at all. I experience distractions, fidgeting and open eyes and moving my arms though these are not quite restlessness, monkey-mind or mind wandering (I think).

What I think (and this is just a wild guess) might be happening is maybe I have somehow entered a vicious circle of expectations leading to frustration leading to avoiding leading to even more frustration, but again, I’m just guessing.

I also notice I tend to get angry instead of having the “aha” moment. Though in all honesty I have not been taking joy in these moments anyway because I do not know if this would somehow reinforce a negative. Also mind wandering does not happen that often for me and when it does I rarely have moments of waking up or they are just to fleeting.

My questions are:

How do I deal with expectations if they are unconcscious?
If the “aha” moment comes and goes pretty quickly how can I enjoy it/
If the “aha” moment if followed by frustration/anger wouldn’t appreciating it be reinforcing a negative (the frustration/anger)
How do I avoid getting angry when I wake up to mind wandering?

I went through something similar to this a few weeks back and do not remember how I got through it! I think I was trying to be more patient taking more time to return to the meditation object instead of returning to it immediately and it seemed to work but now I am not sure whats going on.

Thanks!

• This topic was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by  John Anders.

[Ivan GanzaMember]

Hi John,

I believe I may have replied to you on reddit, I am WayOfMind. Let me include some more info here and sincerely hope it helps!

First a very quick summary:
– If you are experiencing anger and frustration: The only way I can think of to get past that is to examine WHY. Do you have some pre-conceived assumptions/expectations in terms of your meditation practice? Try to ease up and practice gently.

The questions and what you are experiencing are a natural part, please don’t be too hard on yourself. This is a natural by-product of the fact your model of reality (and what you take yourself to be) is changing.

You will get past this.

– How do I get rid of the habit of forcing my mind to go back on the meditation object and blaming myself when it doesn’t happen? I am already trying to remind myself that there is no self and that I am not in control but have a hard time believing it.

Do your best to accept the fact that this will happen, and that you are not in control. What else can you do but let go? Keep thinking about that until it sinks in. There is no other possible logical alternative than to let go. A huge part of our suffering is rooted in the fact we actually think we are in control.

You could also seek out and study supplementary material — so that you could realize and understand this conceptually (which will help pave the way in a sense). There are many good books that could be suggested.

I don’t have the links handy here, but science has also proven this fact. “I” do not decide to do anything. Intentions arise and I claim them as “mine”, but “I” did not decide to do anything. The intention arises first and “I” only become aware of it a split second later (so if it arose first, how could I have originated it?). It occurs so fast that we are not aware of this process. Science has proven it. Maybe some others on the forum know the links pointing to some of this research. (After some amount of practice you can very clearly notice intentions arising and then this becomes crystal clear to you)

– While I understand there is a difference between forming an intention to bring the mind to the meditation object I do not really understand what that difference is. This might seem like a dumb question but how exactly does one form an intention, is it just willing or desiring for the mind to be on the meditation object? Is it done through becoming curious about the meditation object?

Intentions are subtle, but we are doing it all time. It is a very early mechanism to develop and we have been doing it for so very long —

For example, how do you end up going to the restroom? Or driving to the store? Or lying down in bed to sleep?

To go the restroom you form the intention and then it just happens right? Do you WILL yourself to get up and go to the restroom? Controlling each and every single movement with your will-power and making it happen?

If you really observe — what happens is you form the intention and then your body just does it and it kind-of happens. You are just on-board for the ride.

It is the same idea with placing your attention on the meditation object. You form the intention and let it happen.

All you can do is form the intention and let it play out. Now of course, it may not play out as you wanted, because your entire mind may not be on board with your intention. If only a small part is on board your attention probably will not stay on the breath for very long. And that is FINE.

You are bringing your mind in-line with your intention to practice meditation methodically. Over time, with consistent practice, more and more of your mind will get in-line with your intention, and meditation will start to flow much more easily.

– How do I deal with expectations if they are unconscious?

The only way to deal with something unconscious is to bring it into the light of consciousness. You will need to try and follow the trail yourself and determine where this is coming from? This process I think will actually be quite beneficial for you.

– If the “aha” moment comes and goes pretty quickly how can I enjoy it?

When you take a bite of something tasty how do you enjoy the taste? It happens pretty quickly doesn’t it? You just need a split second here, notice the fact you came back, acknowledge the amazing fact that your mind wandered but then somehow magically you became aware of it, and go back to what you were doing.

Sure at first this may be a bit slower and more involved because you are training. So you could take a bit longer to savor it (like really enjoying a taste for example). Then go back to the breath. Eventually it will be just a split second thing without consciously having to think or thank yourself.

– If the “aha” moment if followed by frustration/anger would’t appreciating it be reinforcing a negative (the frustration/anger)

Deal with the anger as noted above so hopefully it won’t be an issue at some point.

– How do I avoid getting angry when I wake up to mind wandering?

Use the points above to deal with the anger. Try to let go please, as much as you can. Let the process gently flow.

Practice gently!

Make this like a laboratory experiment!

Just SEE what’s going to happen, what actually occurs is not that important. Study what actually occurs, not what we think should happen.

John — If you are interested I would be happy to skpye with you and try to help. We could type many many pages more. I am more than happy to help, send me a private message here or on Reddit as (WayOfMind) if you would like that.

Cheers,
-Ivan/

[Ivan GanzaMember]

Hi John,

Just FYI, I am a Dharma Teacher in Training, I forgot to sign the above post properly. My apologies.

Do let us know if we can help more!!

[roncraigMember]

Since your oriiginal post was in October, you may have resolved your difficulty by now but I thought that I would still share what I do to calm my scattered mind.

(1) If my mind is scattered:

after I observe the beginning of the in-breath, I say to myself “in breath”
after I observe the beginning of the out-breath, I say to myself “out breath”

During this time my attention is not on the breath for very long. It is actually on the mental monologue that I am having with myself. Nevertheless, for a short period I do actually feel the sensation of the breath.

(2) After the mind has calmed a little:

after I observe the beginning and the middle of the in-breath, toward the end of the in-breath say to myself “in”
after I observe the beginning and the middle of the out-breath, toward the end of the out-breath say to myself “out”

During this time I am feeling more of the sensation of the breath but still some of the time my attention is on the mental monologue going on in my mind.

(3) When I am more calm I feel: in breath, out breath, then say to myself 1
In breath, out breath, then say to myself 2
In breath, out breath, then say to myself 3
In breath, out breath, then say to myself 4
1,2,3,4
1,2,3,4
etc.

(4) When I am even more calm, I drop the counting and just focus on the sensation of the breath entering and leaving the nostrils.

(5) When I am even more calm, I observe the beginning of the inbreath, the middle of the in breath, the end of the inbreath, the space between the inbreath and the outbreath, the beginning of the outbreath, the middle of the outbreath, the end of the outbreath, the space between the outbreath and the inbreath.

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