Strong dullness

[SynelgMember]

Alex, not Alec. Sorry

[SynelgMember]

Alek – yesterday I tried easing up on things as you said. Also, I got up and did walking meditation for just a few minutes several times, as well as the clenching muscles thing. It worked! I was able to do an hour and a half! Instead of battling and giving up at 20 minutes or so. I’ve NEVER managed 90 minutes, so I’m really pleased that I can meditate through this bloody awful and tedious stage.

[Alex KMember]

Hey Synelg,

thanks for writing! Yes well, I also have / had my moments of doubt, thinking “this isn’t working” or “when I am meditating with this strong dullness, always spacing out, I am sure making it worse”. But for now I decided to take just don’t get hung up on this. What is said in the book… “the only bad meditation is the one you didn’t do”. And I am sure something is happening deep down. So if I may, I wouldn’t agree with you when you said you were hardly meditating at all 🙂

So one other thing that was a recommendation for me is to not forget the intention. When I notice that I was totally lost and spaced out, and then try to get back to the sensations of the breath they seem far away and it is hard to refocus. So I set an intention for example: “I would like to put my focus on the sensation on the breath and experience them vividly. I would like to stay with the breath and be awake”.

For me it seems to help when I say to myself “I would like to” instead of “I will”, because the “I will puts” me in a strong mode of “I need to do something” and then I try hard, tense up and make it worse.
It also helps the next time I become aware of spacing out: With “I will stay present”, it will seem like a failure to me. “Hey I said I will stay present, and I didn’t… What is wrong with me?”. But when I said “I would like to stay present”, and then get aware of spacing it, I just can say it again, because it is a wish from me to my mind and I wish again. It is not something I had to do. So I even try to say “Mind, please try to stay more present”. I don’t know if that makes sense… But it I will keep on experimenting with this.

I guess in the long run I try to develop an attitude of humour about this, don’t take it seriously and let go of any need for progress. So give me strong dullness for the next month, who cares. Anyway, another thing that I just started yesterday is, I try to find out how present and how spaced out I am in daily life. I try the same thing as with early stage two meditation. Every time I notice I was unintentionally somewhere else with my thoughts, I am happy about becoming aware and then try to stay more present.

So to your question, it was beginning or mid of November when I started to struggle with this. So maybe now is the time to give up struggling 🙂

[SynelgMember]

Mine started mid-November. And I’m looking at this darn dullness as a sign of progress – heck – we’ve made it to Stage 4 Alex! Lol.

Also, I had my first on-line meeting with Tucker Peck yesterday. It was good. He said something like that my sub-conscious might be trying to not let the nasty stuff come up – I’ve already had two ‘purification’ experiences – one was really intense and I got scared that I wouldn’t be able to cope – so that theory makes sense to me. Also, I THINK he said something around that I might be trying to concentrate too hard – I’m going to have a pen ready next time to take notes lol. Anyway, he said to ease up on myself a little, don’t worry too much about keeping the breath at the centre and have more compassion for myself.

I actually find easing up like that quite difficult – I soooooo WANT to concentrate on the breath and awareness lol. But I’m learning.

I’m going to try all your things also Alex. It sounds selfish, but I’m sort of glad I’ve got a companion in this – it’s just yicky lol. Good meditating to us both. XXX. 🙂

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by  Synelg.

[Alex KMember]

Yeah, it is progress even if it doesn’t feel like it 🙂

Cool, I was in my second eSangha(Europe) meeting on Tuesday :). What tucker said to someone else there was, that concentration was not a good measure of “progress” in meditation. But the understanding of how the mind works and what it dies and a growing ability to work with whatever is going on right now, that was a better measure of progress. Maybe an attitude of wanting to better cope with it instead of wanting to concentrate better may help us. Also, I heard, and I think it was in the TMI Hangout, that it it was not the goal to overcome dullness or ged rid of it, but to stay with it and be able to investigate it. Which is easier said than done when it is so strong that one can’t investigate it.

And I do not think it is selfish, when you feel glad that you are not alone in this: you did not make me experience, but make me also happy about a companion. We are dullness-buddies, lol

Alright, so we do this as long as it lasts. And I hope that, whoever comes out of this first, the other will be even more inspired and happy and not disappointed.

I wish you, if you are in a part/culture of the world where it is relevant, a quiet and awake holiday season. Be there, in the moment. “Relax, look for the joy, and observer. Let it come, let it be, let it go”.

May we stay with whatever happens, may we trust the process, may we experience clarity and presence. May we have fun 🙂

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