Got an Insight and my practice became rare

[Meshe MooetteMember]

HI Sergey. I’ve heard love defined as “attending” to a person- giving full mindful attention to someone. It sounds like you have that capacity in meditation- and in life. Reframed that way, every time you sit, or give your attention fully to someone, it’s a loving act. Every time we are fully aware of a mood, it is a purification.

Rejoicing in little things on a regular basis can break through emotional dark clouds, and as the habit of rejoicing grows, the cloud front becomes more visible as it moves in.

A near-constant inner smile also helps (opens up the inner channels, so prana flows freely, it’s been a huge help for me in moving away from trauma and depression).

Diet and exercise are really vital to health and well-being. They may not be the root of an emotional trauma, but having a properly nourished system with free-flowing energy definitely gives a leg-up when it comes to tackling other issues. Think of yoga- it’s a spiritual system that includes asana and ayureveda, and in Tibetan tantric lineages, you also find yoga asana (trulkhor). Culadasa places an emphasis on walking meditation. It seems very strange, but a vigorous workout actually gives you energy. It never ceases to amaze me.

Do you have a dog? Since you work from home, do you have opportunities for social interactions?

All the best,

Meshe

[Jevan PMember]

Sergey,

1. I HIGHLY recommend treating yourself in healthy ways in addition to your meditation. Exercise is mandatory. Intense exercise is even better, and exercising with friends is best. There was a study done that showed even something as simple as brisk walking for 30 minutes, three times a week was better long-term than antidepressant medication. Start exercising, like right now.

2. Good healthy diet, whole/real foods, no processed crap. I prefer Paleo, but anything in that ballpark will really help.

3. Yes, loving kindness meditation would be great for you.

All of the above should help with your general mood, which will help you deal with any trauma, which will further improve your mood, and on we go with upward spirals of positivity..None of this will cure you immediately, it takes a while to change those neurons in the brain. But you should see improvement pretty quickly.

Meshe,

You are right, it’s probably both.

[charlesanattaMember]

All the advice provided here so far by Meshe and Jevan is very valuable. I know diet for example played a significant role in improving my quality of life, but also drinking plenty of water everyday. This last thing can’t be recommended enough.

By the way, if you try loving-kindness meditation and it doesn’t seem to work. Like you don’t actually feel the warm and glowing sense of unconditional love radiating towards yourself and others, it is suggested by Ajahn Brahm to start sending love to another being such as an imaginary puppy, then move on to a person you like, etc. Also he suggests really coming up with your own phrases for expressing love towards the being/person, rather than just repeating “may this person be happy” which sometimes if you’re not in the right mood, can feel dry and not straight from the heart.

Here’s an example of what I’m saying: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4Iwzy7kX1s

Lastly, I recently was being too hard on myself with my own practice and decided to slow down. It is very important however to keep meditating everyday even if one doesn’t feel like doing it. You can maybe cut down to 20 min? Even 10 min is better than nothing.

I wish you all the best, Sergey. I truly hope you will be able to deal skilfully with your obstacles.

With Metta,
Charles

[PopMember]

Regarding loving-kindness meditation, what worked for me was using pictures of love ones when they were childs, pics of smiling kids. Though it may be difficult to connect emotionally with grown up persons, you may connect with your/their inner child.

As a variation, you may try with “gratitude” towards someone. The rationale is that “love” may have big connotations to you, but perhaps gratitude is a cleaner word/intention for you. I use both alternatively.

[Meshe MooetteMember]

Hi again Sergey!

There’s a goldmine there- to bust through any delusion about reality and continue the insight that occurred. Who doesn’t love who? How does that person exist? (Passing cloud?) what are the sensations associated with that thought? Where are they physically? Do they stick around? What happens when they go? If it doesn’t feel too crazy, vipassana the heck out of those things! (At the same time as truly treating yourself in a healthful and balanced/relaxed way).

What i’ve noticed is that after the insight i had, all sorts of terror/control fantasies have been running through. Seeing the selfless-ness of anything is truly the enemy of delusion. No wonder Tibetan Buddhism has those terrifying looking deities.

All the best as these seeds sprout and pass away,

Meshe

[Blake BartonKeymaster]

Hi Sergey,

I have recently been reading a book called “The Happiness Trap” by Russ Harris. It is a mindfulness technique for working with difficult thoughts and emotions. I have only read about 40% of the book, but is seems very powerful. I used it to deal with a difficult emotion, and it worked well. You may not necessarily find the source of your negative mood, but you can learn to accept and work with it.

Hopefully, you will see that unpleasant thoughts and emotions are one thing, and our mind’s reaction to them is another. It is our mind’s reaction that caused the suffering. As Culadasa says pain is inevitable, but suffering (dukkha) is optional.

Best of Luck,
Blake – Dharma Treasure Teacher

[Marty GMember]

Hi Sergey, you have received some good feedback there, brother. Changing your diet can impact you on many levels, more energy and also emotionally, a good high nutrient diet may allow you to feel ‘better’ at least much of the time. The same with very regular exercise. It helps you to become more grounded, more vital less internalized ( in the negative sense).

So in that sense meditation alone may not be enough, to keep a fundamentally happy life. There is the relational vehicle, in the traditions this is developed through service and devotion. In Theravada systems you are not going to find much devotion. Though if you read of the old Thai Masters (do a search for Mun Bhuridatta Thera if interested, much online in pdf), they often used devotional practices such as mantra and devotion to their teacher and profound surrender to the Buddha(s) in faith (in the sense of openness to great spiritual help rather than a belief system).

That deeply emotional connection to life and all things can be missing (some have found) in the dry system of “pulling your self up by the bootstraps”, alone. There are always many openings for self transcending service in the community around, this type of service, tends to be an unexpected cure for many negative states. Community healing of your own state on some level.

Insights tend to come and go (in my experience) so don’t be too concerned about the no-self insight. They tend too be overrated in their long standing impact, and soon enough you may find yourself trying to recover that very understanding. All the best.

[Sergey NMember]

Thanks so much, everyone!
Sorry for not posting earlier, I wanted to have some results at hand before I do, and also some time to figure things out.
I was overwhelmed by feelings and problems (my relationships with family showed their true nature, same was with my employer – so it took some time to adjust and recover. As for the job, I found a great new one, with much better personal relationships, which was the major issue in past job)
So eventually I got back to my daily practice, which now consists of one 40 minutes session, and another one of 30.
Got some nightmares back, but as I’ve read somewhere it’s unconscious mind reprocessing the deeply buried material – so even though those are relatively intense, this time I am really dedicated to go and push those forward. Speaking of dedication, something of that matter changed inside me, I have the clarity and energy to sit daily diligently, with much better dedication then before.
So yeah, other changes are Insight-related, personality-related and a bit lifestyle-related too.
Most of my sits are at stage 6 and a bit of stage 5. Getting more of mental pacification moments, which are quite amazing and bring a sense of peaceful, silent emptiness, which feels amazing.
I am very dedicated to reach first Jhana now, cause I believe it will be a huge relief for me. I don’t make it an obsession or craving, but intention is there.
We are moving to a low-populated countryside with my girlfriend in couple months to live by seaside. I am definitely going to spend more time in nature, and yes! I am getting a dog 🙂 I did some tries to get back to training here, but I feel that living in big industrial city makes a big impact on me at the moment, so I definitely look forward to exercise regularly once I move.
I also really hope for our relationship to improve and I am trying to take more responsibility for my feelings now, and explain more about what I am going through to ask for my girlfriend’s patience. I pay as much attention to her as I could though. This period made it definitely much harder compared to before, indeed.

Thank you very much everyone, and thank you Culadasa – you guys were of tremendous support.
It’s hard to be on this path, but last weeks without meditation clearly showed me that not meditating is totally not an option for me. I yet have some purifications to go through, and some Insight to mature – so once I meditate I can clearly feel myself getting built back piece by piece, if that makes sense.

I also decided to join some local meditation group once I move, will try to find the best teacher I can nearby. I am a bit concerned of Dark Night and it’s description (sounds like it can be 10-50x times more intense than my worst sufferings were in last years. But as I said, it’s the only option. That’s why I decided to try and find a local teacher so that I don’t bother you guys and Culadasa with my questions, haha. Which I will still occasionally do, but I will also try my best to help people at Stages 1-4 to overcome their problems.

Many, many thanks again, I am glad to get to know all of you and hope to chat with you more in future! Happy upcoming Xmas! (Or was that too much? :D)

Cheers!

Sergey

• This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by  Sergey N.

[charlesanattaMember]

Hey Sergey,

I’m very happy for you, man!

“I am very dedicated to reach first Jhana now, cause I believe it will be a huge relief for me. I don’t make it an obsession or craving, but intention is there.”

Yes, please don’t make it an obsession. That can become very frustrating. Just try to do your best each time you meditate and forget about jhana, let it happen by itself as a result of overcoming the hindrances and developing the jhanic factors enough.

“It’s hard to be on this path, but last weeks without meditation clearly showed me that not meditating is totally not an option for me.”

I also went through that same experience many times in the past. The path can be hard sometimes, but the alternative only leads to suffering for yourself and all beings, that’s for sure. It sounds like you’re heading the right way, so keep going!

With Metta,

Charles

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