[StefanMember]

Finally, apologies to both Blake and Sergey for replying so late. When I am in foul mood I tend to get very withdrawn and uncommunicative.

[StefanMember]

@Sergey

Hi Stefan!

I am not an authorized teacher or a direct student of Culadasa, so it’s not an official advice – so you should probably take Dharma Treasure teachers’ advices above mine.

I am myself at Stages 5-6 and from what you write it sounds like you are at Stage 4 – you get distracted by pain and tension, that’s what happened to me on Stage 4. Stage 2, in my experience, is when you have that tension but you are very caught in all kinds of thoughts in your head and basically all your attention is in these racing thoughts.

I would say that I am (early) Stage 3 since Stage 4 involves overcoming forgetfulness (which I definitely didn’t achieve).

You said that you don’t have problems with this pain and tension outside meditation – can you elaborate? If there’s something from your regular life that you can bring into meditation to easen that pain, that can be helpful – I had back problems so I learned that if I lie down for a bit of time before I start meditation, my session goes painless, otherwise there is a lot of back pain. Also I am heavyweight so I use extra pillows – more than regular cushion offers, to keep me lifted and solid.

Sometimes I also meditate lying down, or meditate in shorter periods (is your 1 hour one session?). Try meditating 2 times for 30 minutes and see if it helps.

I often meditate lying down actually. That could have impacted my rate of progress as I invite dulness in lying posture. I meant to say that tension is not making my life worse outside the practice. Otherwise, I am very anxious and tense in general though.

Finally, I’ve checked quite few sources and books on kundalini subject, and absolutely best I found was “Enlightenment Through the Path of Kundalini” by Tara Springett. It’s on amazon, including ebook version. It really shines in explaining what happens with you, what to do and etc. I think this piece of advice is the most important in all I wrote.

On a side note, one of somewhat extreme measures is to stop meditating for a week and see the difference – in my experience when I did that (unintentionally) I would always notice how much worse my life becomes – more thoughts, more suffering, less progress, even less inner peace than usual, and even life events falling out of place. That’s somewhat a joking advice, you shouldn’t do that if you can – it’s much harder to start again due to the lost momentum.

One of the benefits I got from this meditation is occasional tranquilizing effect that spreads throughout day. Like I took something against anxiety.

Finally, don’t be discouraged! You are on a very tough but incredibly rewarding path. When so much stuff surfaces, it feels bad but in such cases crysis is an incredibly huge opportunity to grow. It just doesn’t let you do anything else much and you are somewhat forced to solve your issues here and now. That might sound tough, but otherwise you won’t be meditating, researching, and doing what you do – and it will bring it’s fruits soon, because it’s a part of a progress and figuring stuff out! I’ve been through similar amount of problems and suffering in past years but it really changed a lot in me and my life – it feels painful but you do a lot of things at fast speed to get rid of it. So as rough as it sounds, it’s a way of progressing and something that boosts us in our adventure.

We’ll see. I am a very stubborn person.

Wishing lots of luck and progress to you, please keep us posted and let’s also see what other much more experienced guys will tell!

Best,
Sergey

Thank you. I hope I’ll have some good news to share in the future.

[StefanMember]

@Blake

Welcome to the forum. Your post starts with the following “… my sessions still feel as poor as they did on day 1”. Right away this shows that you have a lot of judgment and dissatisfaction with your practice. It is very difficult to develop tranquility when you have this much resistance.

Tell me about it. Tranquility does come sometimes. I get this effect like I took anti-anxiety pill. That is one of the reasons why I keep going. I believe that there is a light at the end of tunnel. Just wish I had more positive feedback from my practice.

I recommend trying to let go of judgment as best you are able, but also be alert that you can have judgment about the judgment.

I find this really hard. The stage system invites judgment even though I find it invaluable in giving me goals to strive for.

I noticed that you posted a link to on of Shinzen’t talks. He has a meditation technique called Focus In where you observe thoughts, and emotions. Thoughts either manifest as Self Talk or Images that come up in your minds eye. You note and label them as either “hear” or “see”. Emotions manifest as sensations in your body, and you note and label them as “feel”.

I added it to my daily regimen. It is one hour TMI and thirty minutes of Feel/Image/Talk. We’ll see how it turns out.

Thoughts and body sensations related to emotions become your meditation object. This can help you get in touch with your thoughts and emotions and get in touch with your resistance.

Yes, I noticed the similarities. I notice mind wandering when I am doing Feel/Image/Talk, which is pretty cool as it means I am also working on cultivating stable attention with this practice.

I think your newer practice approach is on the right track. It helps to get in touch these body sensations. It would also be beneficial to see the thoughts and emotions that arise related to the tension. Your attention can be on the body sensations, that you interpret as tension, and your peripheral awareness can notice thoughts and emotions. You can even use the noting if this helps.

Practice is bit better now and not that bad, but I still have to will myself into it and it has been eight months. It feels very unstable.

It might also be beneficial to study the Buddha’s Four Noble truths. Phillip Moffitt’s book “Dancing with Life” is a good text on the subject. He explains in detail how clinging and aversion create dissatisfaction and suffering.

I will check it out.

Practices like Yoga and Qigong, can help balance the energy and smooth out the kriyas. Walking meditation might be worth trying.

I wish you the best of luck in your practice, and I hope you will continue to work with the difficulties and not give up. We are here to help.

Thank you.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by  Stefan.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by  Stefan.

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