[Griffin HMember]

I picked up the book and will look deeper into it!

And yes I will definitely keep meditating haha! Thanks again Meshe!!!

[Griffin HMember]

Meshe I haven’t read beyond your post yet so the ‘living inquiries’ might elaborate, but can you clarify just a bit more?

Is the idea in practice this:
jealousy says stories like ‘I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, funny enough, they are way more cappable than me’ and so on. Then you just keep that thought in attention and ‘feel’ if it’s true? It seems like for thoughts like that right now they are wavering and coming and going and can’t really stay and be questioned. Is the idea to learn they they to are just arising and passing?

Thank you!

[Griffin HMember]

Thank you all for the helpful replies!

Meshe I appreciate the reassurance that it is okay to stay with the strong feelings and not act on them. I have not been paying much attention to the passing of the feelings or thoughts only to their arising. I have also mostly been noticing the stories that arise, I wil try and extend my awareness to the physicality as well.

I can definitely see holding the question of my partners happiness loosens my heart a bit. It feels like I’m facing the fear of my imagination and in that brief moment of release I’m learning there is nothing to fear? But also that in those strong moments I think I’ll need to be patient and just keep practicing. Logically I want happiness for my partner and I those strong moments it’s probably hiding deep down. It feels like a tight hand squeezing and my view of everything shrinks a bit. Like the opposite of rose colored glasses 🙂

Blake thank you for that resource! I will read that! It sounds like noticing the physical side of emotions is something to experiment with!

Kim thank you! At the moment I have a lot of anticipation which I think might be aversion to jealousy and when it does arise I’m probably getting very absorbed in ‘fixing it’ and thinking of all the ways I can be free of the ‘pain’, like posting to this forum ^__^. At the moment a lot of things still cause my awareness to dissapear, and I can see how with jealousy that definitely leads to more absorbtion in the story!

Gaudmeas, thank you as well! I have noticed very strong feelings of insecurity and self judgment and all the stories associated with that but have not been as good at noting their arising without getting sucked in. I get the sense it’s probably a very strong story at the root of this. I will start practicing spending a little time after my meditations to bring this feeling up and explore the judgement and feelings.

Peter, I’m still very new to meditation and approaching the world from that viewpoint, but I was thinking that in conversation with another person, perhaps that person and their words can be your meditation object? So if insecurity arises, or self conciousness maybe bringing yourself back to the sound of their words or the color of their eyes and letting the internal dialogue continue on it’s own. That said since I’ve been trying to speak carefully when I’m jealous it gets very analytical and questioning of each thing I’m saying and I do feel slightly disengaged from the normal in the moment flow of conversation. That probably will go away with practice just like overanalyzing the labeling of a distraction in meditation goes away. Anyway with a grain of salt that’s what I would try!

Thank you everyone for the advice and especially the inspiration to take my time with this! As with everything I’m learning that there is not really a quick fix or way around difficult habits and feelings. It helps to think of it as an adventure and to know there are others out there who have passed through the same kinds of issues and found peace with them.

Cheers!
Griffin

[Griffin HMember]

Small follow up to this:

With something like cold, I feel like when I’m sitting each time I come back to the breath it’s like I’m leaving this virtual river of thoughts and just experiencing the feeling. Upon reflection I realize that in that river I’m suffering but in attention to breath I don’t think I am.

With the strong feelings of jealousy I’m not really sure what I’m leaving the river into? Is there a base experience of fear that is in the moment or is it all layered in imagination and eventually mental pain doesn’t actually exist in the present?

Thanks again!

[Author]

Posts