DMT Breakthrough Experience

Front Page Forums Inspirational Poems, Writings, Artwork etc. DMT Breakthrough Experience

This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  David Kaufmann 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #2889

    Peter W
    Member

    I’m not sure if we’re allowed to talk about psychedelics here but I figured it would be interesting for everyone to read about my recent breakthrough experience. The past two years I’ve been guinea pigging myself and have dabbled with ayahuasca and high doses of shrooms alongside my daily meditation practice. I’ve experienced the usual trip reports that most people read about (ego death, encountering entities, oneness, interconnectedness, divinity, and alternate states of consciousness), however my experience yesterday afternoon was quite beyond your ordinary trip. It’s been quite difficult to grasp and wrap my mind around. It wasn’t your typical hallucination or trip, but almost a direct experience into the seeing of life unfolding and refolding process.

    Basically I attempted to smoke DMT for the first time with the intention of breaking through. For those of you who don’t know what DMT is, it’s dimethyltryptamine, a chemical compound found in all life and supposedly is released by the brain upon death. On my 3rd attempt, I broke through and something very terrifying, awestruck, and profound happened. Probably the most intense experience I’ve ever encountered in life. Hopefully this experience can shed some light on some Buddhist understandings on the nature of reality and may be valuable to anyone who reads this.

    Just as I took the last puff and peaked, I saw that things were going to unravel and quickly go out of control. I attempted to put the pipe and lighter down very fast, as it appeared to be melting. As I was doing so, within seconds I started to see my hands and body shrink itself into youth. My hands and body shrunk to a child’s body and for a split second I felt pure innocence but at the same time was in complete shock and disarray. As it progressed, I fell backwards onto my bed and saw my hands shrink to a baby’s hand.

    I then tried to come to grips with what was happening and attempted to get back up. Re-looked at my hands. Again it was a child’s hand, with all the blemishes on my hands gone. Then it started to look very cartoonish and virtual. As I continued to look, my hand started breaking apart into fractals of pink triangles and peach colored circles, it was then merged and meshed with the background. I no longer had any depth perception. All of my sense faculties went haywire and it was extremely disorienting. I collapsed back downwards onto my bed unable to move. Geometric shapes, patterns, and colors made up all of reality and everything was extremely unstable. It wasn’t your typical traditional fractal kaleidoscope or close-eyed circular mosaics that people find beautiful. Instead, it felt like consciousness was spinning and spiraling out of control into some void and was struggling to make sense of anything that was going on. Talk about impermanence. I believe my eyes were open and all sensory data was completely garbled, a big blob of geometric shapes and pixels scattered covering all that was visible. There was nothing I was able to ground myself to in reality nor that I can say I was familiar with. It was as if reality was being deconstructed and broken apart right before my eyes in matter of seconds.

    I recall the last of my thoughts were pertaining to “Oh no, I made a mistake, this is not how I wanted to die. And was concerned about disappointing my parents and what they would think of me.” I attempted and continued to grasp or cling to life, but nothing was stable and everything that I thought I was got completely thrown out the window. A “me” kept phasing in and out until finally all concepts, the structure of reality, and thoughts were gone. Any attempt to be mindful was impossible, there was no one left to be mindful. It was pure chaos and there was no control whatsoever. Nothing left but raw sensory input, raw data. And as life was dizzyingly fading out, consciousness finally shut down, blinked out of existence and blacked out. It was like I died.

    Not too long after, it was quite strange and compelling. It was as-if my brain was rebooted and my system was coming back online. For a brief moment, it was like I forgot why I was here or what I was doing, a clean slate. And as my personality came back, I began to see, “Oh, I’m Peter, this is my room, I was smoking DMT.” The narrating mind reappears. As I began to look around, I was able to see and comprehend the frames around all objects within reality, the basic building blocks of shape and form. It was like everything in the world was a three dimensional translucent blue print and model made of basic geometric shapes. My curtains were 2 dimensional lines, my hardwood floor was semi-translucent, as was my bed. Doors, walls, and furniture were perfect rectangles, squares, circles, and triangles. And as the mind slowly attempted to re-stabilize in reality, one by one more details came into play and was layered in. The color brown was applied onto my wooden floors, colors began appearing in other objects, curves were added to all the box-like straight-edged objects. The surface of all objects in reality started to appear extremely smooth, like a dolphin’s skin. And finally as the effects wore off, the finer details and subtleties of reality began to emerge, like the pores of my friend’s skin, the fine lines of her hair, or wrinkles on her face. It was a lot like watching one of those time-lapsed videos on youtube where an artist begins drawing an image with basic shapes until all the details has been finally overlaid on top of the original image to make the final product.

    This whole experience lasted probably 10 minutes. At this point, I really don’t know what to make of this, other than it being just an experience and that I need to be more careful and should continue pressing on with my practice. This one experience seemed to encapsulated all three concepts of suffering, no-self, and impermanence. I probably won’t be doing this again anytime soon. It was pretty scary yet interesting at the same time. But I think the universe showed me what I needed to see and I need to move forward from here. Thought I’d share.

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Peter W.
    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Peter W.
    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Peter W.
    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Peter W.
    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Peter W.
    • This topic was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Peter W.
    #2898

    KimW
    Member

    Hi Peter,

    Thanks for sharing your experience. It looks like you have the impression, as do many people, that meditation and psychedelics can be used for the purpose of creating experiences, such as “breakthrough”, which are helpful for spiritual progress. While experiences can indeed point to certain truths, they are not the same as letting go of the fetters which happens as a result of spiritual practice. Letting go of clinging may or may not bring about particular experiences, but it does free one from suffering.

    It might be an interesting experiment to see how the desire for particular experiences (however they are produced) can be a cause of suffering. It is also useful to notice the impermanence of all experiences, no matter how amazing or wonderful. There is nothing which is produced by these types of psychedelic experiences which gives lasting freedom from suffering, and it is useful to make note of this at the end of every experience.

    I wish you the best in your practice.
    Kim

    #2902

    Peter W
    Member

    Hi Kim,

    Thanks for your response. I did not consider this any sort of spiritual “breakthrough” or progress on the path. This term “breakthrough” is specific to DMT where you breakthrough the realms of reality that’s generally associated with a high pitched frequency.

    Same words, but we’re using it in different context.

    #2907

    psychedelics may be thought of as tools that have helped some people.

    to measure if something psychedelics, meditation, biofeedback, etc is genuine “spiritual progress”

    one may ask one self questions such as: Am I now happier?, …kinder? …more creative?

    you get the idea.

    insight or memory of insight or amazing & maybe an insight, type experiences by themselves, don’t count for much, and may on the contrary only lead to hunger for more

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.